


watch my back and keep the blade

by sympathy_for_hordak (sparrow0)



Series: hollow point smile [2]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Ableism, Abuse, F/F, F/M, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Reconditioning, Season/Series 04 Spoilers, Torture, not as bleak as these tags make it sound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-30 05:57:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21423307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sparrow0/pseuds/sympathy_for_hordak
Summary: Catra and Glimmer learn some things on Horde Prime's ship. Catra wishes she knew more profanities. There are two (2) non-fantasized moments of physical affection. Spoilery, detailed content warnings in the endnotes.
Relationships: Adora/Catra/Glimmer (She-Ra), Catra & Hordak (She-Ra), Entrapta/Hordak (She-Ra)
Series: hollow point smile [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1543651
Comments: 4
Kudos: 86





	watch my back and keep the blade

"In three days' time," Horde Prime declared, "we'll have a little get-together to celebrate our new arrangement. Until then, Queen Glimmer, you and your companion will be assigned to guest quarters. There is a great deal to be done." 

They were presented with a space that was opulent by even Bright Moon standards, with a pair of enormous beds, a couch, and a desk in the main room and an adjoining wardrobe and bathroom. 

Neither of them said much until the clones had left. 

"Catra. Thank you for what you said back there," Glimmer said stiffly. "Why did you do it?" 

"The thing where they touch your face and see into your mind - you saw how strong he was, what he did to Hordak. If he'd done it to you he might have control of your powers. You didn't seem capable of stopping him." 

Glimmer paled. "That's a thing? You don't seem surprised." 

"And you are?!" Catra snapped. "Oh, come on, you seriously didn't know?" 

"...I had no idea that was possible. Hordak did it to you, didn't he? It looked horrible. I'm really sorry." 

"Shut up, Sparkles, it's not like you're any better, if my information about truth spells is accurate."

"I never took anyone's name away!"

"Neither did Shadow Weaver! She left us for you and trained you!"

"You thought Shadow Weaver taught me that?"

"Why not? You're happy to use Adora and your castle as bait to destroy the Horde, what's a little interrogation on top?"

"Oh, I've interrogated people plenty. Hordak was trying to cooperate. That wasn't interrogation, it was torture. I obviously don't have _ your _ standards because I didn't almost destroy reality, but I _ have _ standards." 

Catra hissed and turned away. "Whatever, who knows how this place works, we should rest while we can."

Glimmer seemed to fall asleep nearly immediately, drained by the day's events. 

Catra didn't care what Hordak looked like when they dragged him away. Caring wouldn't get her anything. It's for babies. She wasn't thinking about thousands of clones, doing what Shadow Weaver did, but to each other. She tried not to think about it. She tried not to think about it going on for their whole lives. She definitely didn't think about Horde Prime touching anybody else she knew that way. 

Glimmer slept on peacefully, as though she didn't have a care in the world. She probably never had anybody try to influence her mind at all, the spoiled princess. Hating Glimmer was easier and maybe more useful. Catra thought about her ridiculous hair and terrible powers. Terrible, actually rather impressive powers. Her voice used to be so whiny and now it was clear and familiar - no. Catra was not thinking about having adjusted to planning around Glimmer all the time, to Double Trouble impersonating Glimmer to make Catra laugh. That's - no. 

There was a crash outside, and then a lumpy thing tumbled from a vent into the room. 

Glimmer didn't stir. 

Catra waited a few minutes, then peered through the vent. There was a clone of Horde Prime walking away, but everybody they'd seen had been clones of Horde Prime, and from this angle she couldn't be sure of anything else. 

Catra grabbed the thing and started to unwrap the thin, flexible material. At first she thought it was a high-tech fabric, but it was like a weird, soft paper, and it crinkled pleasantly. She touched the wrapping some more. It was really nice; the first nice thing she had experienced in ages. 

Catra folded the wrapping carefully and stashed it in one of her pockets, for later. Inside, there was a data pad and a Force Captain badge. 

_ Hordak is okay, _ Catra thought, shocked. _ Wait, what? He knows _ I _ have a badge. There's only one other person here. What is going on? _

She turned on the pad, and it opened to a note. 

_ YOU ARE SURROUNDED AND OUTGUNNED _

_ do not say or do anything you do not want used against you _

_ I have done this before _

_ someone learned from me _

_ you both learned from her _

_ do not use my name _

It wasn't signed, of course. It didn't need to be. Catra closed the note. The pad had a lot more documents on it. Catra opened one at random and began reading. 

_ ...the Horde seldom performs executions. Captives are not eliminated unless there is no way they can be used - and there are a multitude of ways the Horde has made use of reluctant laborers. In the worst cases, living beings may only be valuable for research purposes. _

_ Ensuring the compliance of reluctant conquests is trivial when they're social, and only slightly more complex when they're not. Social creatures cannot function well without emotional bonds to other social creatures and may bond easily. Convince one of them that you want to be "comrades" or "buddies" or whatever term their culture uses and they'll fall at your feet. Failing that, reward compliance with access to their associates, or improved status for a social group... _

Catra paused. It sounded like this Horde wouldn't kill her or Glimmer, which was great. On the other claw, this was a new kind of nosiness. Soldiers in her Horde had been allowed to spend as much off-duty time with one another as they liked. 

Catra flipped open another document. This was a report about the management of a defective clone. He had been penalized for concealing his defect and for other non-compliant behavior. He had been repeatedly reconditioned. He had been utilized by the Horde until his destruction. There were pictures, and very detailed notes. 

Catra closed the document. She stared at the wall for what felt like a year. The clone in the report hadn't deliberately betrayed his commanders. He had hidden stuff, but he'd been more loyal than almost everybody Catra had known in the - in her Horde. In response, Horde Prime's Horde had done all of this to him, taken pictures, and compiled them into a report. Princesses and First Ones. 

_ ...First Ones and accursed Princesses_, Catra thought, for lack of anything more intense. _ Hordak's - wait no First Ones no names aren't allowed - I saw - his body - _

She swallowed, made herself breathe again. _ The clone I swore to serve is defective and non-compliant, and this Horde knows about it already. Nobody else is going to consider trying to help. _

Catra looked at the list of documents again. Then she climbed onto Glimmer's bed and hissed "quiet" in her ear. 

"What?" Glimmer mumbled. 

"I found something. Let me see your pad for a moment," Catra whispered. "I promise it's worth it." 

"What?" Glimmer asked, handing it over. 

Catra connected the pads briefly, then handed Glimmer's back. "Someone slid something into this room a few minutes ago. I just gave you everything that was on the pad, and what's open on yours now was open on it when I turned it on." 

Glimmer read the note, rubbed her eyes, and read it again. She looked up at Catra and asked, "Is this the only one you read?" 

Silently, Catra pulled up the report. Glimmer looked, winced, and looked away. 

"I'm sure you'll be delighted by this, after all, that clone we came here with is defective," Catra hissed. 

"That clone..." Glimmer echoed. "What, you think I want this? That clone doesn't even deserve what's been done already. I told - someone I wanted to save everyone. That's why she helped me. She asked me not to hurt you." 

"What are you talking about?" 

"Just after your white-haired friend connected to her runestone, I told her I was going to find you and him. It's the last thing she said to me." 

"...Oh. Okay." Catra took a deep breath, and held up the badge. "There was something else, and - I have one already. You in?" 

"Ugh, fine. Let me add it..." Glimmer muttered, holding the badge and swiping at her pad. "There's two." 

"What? Two what?" 

"Bow made an app to track those. This isn't new or a spare. There's two badges, for hundreds of miles. This is Ho - that clone's," Glimmer whispered. 

"Seriously? That stupid, dumb idiot." Catra exhaled. "Okay. There's probably more useful stuff in these files. I'll start from the end of the list, you start from the beginning." 

"Fine," Glimmer answered, as she opened the second document and began to read. 

~~~

_The prisoner's dilemma is a game where rational individuals are incentivized to defect, but both individuals' outcomes are better if they cooperate. It is framed as follows: _

_ Two criminals are arrested and imprisoned. Each prisoner is incapable of communicating with the other. The prosecutors lack sufficient evidence to convict the pair on the principal charge, but they have enough to convict both on a lesser charge. Simultaneously, the prosecutors offer each prisoner a bargain. Each prisoner is given the opportunity either to betray the other by testifying that the other committed the crime, or to cooperate with the other by remaining silent. The possible outcomes are: _

_ \- If A and B each betray the other, each of them serves two years in prison _

_ \- If A betrays B but B remains silent, A will be set free and B will serve three years in prison (and vice versa) _

_ \- If A and B both remain silent, both of them will serve only one year in prison (on the lesser charge). _

_ The game has implications for many situations where entities can benefit from cooperation, but defecting seems to be the more rational self-interested choice... _

_ ...In casual usage, the label "prisoner's dilemma" may be applied to situations not strictly matching the formal criteria of the classic or iterative games: for instance, those in which two entities could gain important benefits from cooperating or suffer from the failure to do so, but find it difficult or expensive—not necessarily impossible—to coordinate their activities. _

_ defective clones may be unable to consistently cooperate _

_ don't hesitate to save yourselves at my expense _

_ I have no reason to hope for anything else _

_ we don't need anybody _

"Catra?" Glimmer asked. "What's this?" She turned her pad for Catra to read. 

"He's trying to be encouraging, I guess." 

"Weird." 

~~~

The next morning, Catra was invited to conditioning. 

~~~

They drugged this clone this time, for the first time since he arrived on the ship. He could barely move, and he was too tired to open his eyes when the assessor stepped out of his cell and someone else walked in. 

He leaned his face into the hand, trying urgently to be compliant, and froze when it was smaller and warmer than expected. 

This clone stared blankly up at Catra. 

She smirked. "Remember when you very nearly suffocated me to death? I couldn't do anything about it. Remember when you wanted to send me to Beast Island? I could hurt you quite badly right now."

Her fingers tensed on his face and she strolled into his mind. He was too lost and confused to have properly prepared; she could take anything she wanted from him. 

_ I'm not going to, _ Catra thought. _ I could hurt you, but I'm not going to. _

He could not form a response, so great was his fear. 

_You had Shadow Weaver raise me, remember? I've been "properly conditioned." I had a pretty good idea what he'd done to you, and then you gave me that pad. I read your notes. I'm not going to hurt you, _she insisted. 

_ You should, _ he sent back. _ You are here because you are being trained. They intend for you to demonstrate control of this clone. _

_ I know. I've got this. Relax. _

_ I don't understand. _

_ You know more about this mess than anybody else I can turn to. _

_ I cannot be useful to you. I have failed too many times, and I am falling apart. _

_I don't care anymore. Even if that pad was the last remotely valuable message you ever send, I want you to stand at my side. I want - to be friends, I guess. You don't have to be useful to be valued. _

He was incoherent. She stepped back from his mind and discovered he was weeping silently. She moved in again.

_ What? _Catra asked. 

_ This is a defective clone allocated to reconditioning. We cannot - it's like having a name, making agreements on one's own behalf, directly contravening the Horde's principles. But you want to, even now, even so. _

_ Yeah. And I can tell you want to say yes, you're just afraid of the consequences. I read that manual you sent; I know about using rewards to control. I'm going to try not to hurt you that way, either. Is there any way I could make you feel any better, right now? _

He tried not to answer and failed. She slipped back out of his mind. 

She dropped to her knees, and reached for him again. Catra pulled Hordak into her arms, supporting his weight and stroking his back. Then, carefully, she brought her other hand to his face. 

_ Wow, you're easy, _ she joked. _ That went better than I hoped, and it was because I want to help you, not a reward for anything you did. I'm gonna try something else, let me know how it goes. _

His mind was flooded with energy. It felt softer, somehow, like all his secrets had become harder to access, cloaked in warmth and glowing colors. _ What is this? _

_ I made it up. I wasn't sure if it was going to work, reinforcing your defenses. _

_It's glorious. I might yet have a chance. Now what? _

_ They'll play a chime when our session is over. I'm going to hold you up and let you have your mind to yourself until then. Tap my hand twice if you want me back in? _

_ Yes. Catra. Thank you. _

~~~

When Catra returned, she looked awful. "What happened?" Glimmer asked. "Did - did they hurt you?" 

"No," Catra said, sprawling across Glimmer's bed. "No, I'm fine. They told me to help them condition that clone we came here with. I - I'm pretty sure they're going to do it to you or tell me to do it." 

"You saw him? Is he okay?" 

Catra laughed. "I saw the inside of his head. He's a mess." 

Glimmer stared at her, horrified. Catra grabbed Glimmer's face and pushed. It was easy. 

~~~

Catra tore into Glimmer's mind. It was excruciating. 

_ Why are you doing this? What's wrong with you? _ Glimmer howled at her, unable to move or speak. _ Let me go! _

_ Sorry, I know it's terrible, but they listen in on prisoners and they can't record this. They told me to make him suffer and I didn't. I think - I hope - I helped him hang in there. _Catra's voice in Glimmer's mind was painfully loud. 

_ Why do this to me? _

_ There's no other way for you to practice and you _ cannot _ let them know he and I are deceiving them. I'm sorry. Try to think about something - some feeling or fact or memory - that you want me to know about, _ Catra ordered. 

Catra waited, staying still, and Glimmer brought something forward. 

_ The Princess Alliance was seated around a low table with a map, in a tent in Bright Moon colors. Adora looked tense. _

_ "Adora, I was captured by Shadow Weaver, taken to the Fright Zone, and lost my powers. But you know what? We escaped. I fought without my powers, and we won! Bad things are going to happen. That's life. You can let it paralyze you or you can roll with it. Figure out the things you can, and trust that your friends have your back for the rest." _

_ Blushing, Adora said, "Thank you." _

_ "So, what do we do now?" Bow asked. _

_"We do what we do best," Adora answered. "We improvise." _

Catra nodded. _ Wow, okay. Not bad. Now - keep it up, focus on other things you want me to see. I'm just going to push a tiny bit. _

The pressure in Glimmer's mind was crushing. She couldn't focus, couldn't stop herself from revealing what she least wanted to show Catra. 

_ Adora's hands were digging into Catra's arms. Catra had one hand in Adora's hair and the other at her back, pinning her in place. They were strong and confident and beautiful together. _

_ Adora was lying on her back, panting, Catra straddling her, Catra's claws holding her down. _

Catra stopped pushing, tried to let Glimmer regain control. 

_ Catra's claws were digging into She-ra's thighs just below her shorts. _

_ Adora was kneeling before Catra, reaching out, as Catra walked away. _

_ Catra and Adora in Glimmer's bed at Bright Moon, in a tent, on Sea Hawk's ship, in a dark corner of the Princess Prom... _

_ Glimmer, _ Catra thought as gently as she could. _ Glimmer, literally none of this stuff happened. Why are you so upset? _

_ SHE LOVES YOU! She loves you and you love her and I'm the weird odd one out who nobody likes! And I was mean to her and ruined everything and she's never going to forgive me! _

_ SHE LEFT ME, you jerk! For you! Everyone likes you! I'm the one she refused to forgive! We shared a dorm with half a dozen other people and I never even got to kiss her! Everyone leaves! Shadow Weaver and Scorpia left me for you, too! And why would Adora ever want this Horde soldier over a Princess of Power? _

_ ...I should have kissed her. She should have kissed you, _ Glimmer thought sadly. _ You're fierce and gorgeous and I don't think either of you ever stopped wanting the other. _

_ ...what. _

_ I was mad because I want what you have and I didn't think I was ever going to get it. I didn't want you to know. _

Catra let go of Glimmer's mind. They'd both been crying, apparently. Catra turned away. 

Glimmer reached out and turned Catra back towards her. Slowly, Glimmer pressed her lips to Catra's cheek, then brought Catra's hand to her own face. 

"What," Catra repeated. 

"I'm here. I like you. I don't want to leave you," Glimmer said. "It's okay." 

Catra winced and ducked back in to Glimmer's mind. 

_ You're serious about this, _ Catra thought. _ Okay. We should - we should talk about Adora later. You might be able to use this. Can you try to just - think about how hot we are and not reveal anything we want to keep from Horde Prime? I'll start digging when you say you're ready. _

_ Okay. Fine, _ Glimmer replied. There was a long silence. _ Ready. _

Catra tried to apply as little pressure as she could. 

_ Hordak was standing in a glowing magic circle in Bright Moon. "Do not speak of Entrapta to me!" he snarled. "I'm soo angry about her terrible betrayal! I'm totally convinced she turned on me, which is why I'm powering my body with a crystal she installed! I'm a brilliant tactician and powerful evil overlord, which is why I'm totally dependent on other people to get literally anything done! Other people like Entrapta, who you should not mention, because I am not having any feelings about her and none of them are love!" _

_ Glimmer laughed, applauding, and Double Trouble transformed back into themself and bowed. _

Catra resisted the urge to scream. 

_ Seriously? I can't help you build defenses if you don't have any. The assessors cannot find out you doubted that clone's loyalty or believed him defective enough to love. Glimmer...I like you, and I'm trying to help you, but it took years of practice for me to get here. I don't think I can teach you to resist conditioning in time. _

_ I'm sorry! I'm trying. It hurts so much and you're - ripping into me so hard! _

_ I have been trying to use as little power as I can. The assessors will be much worse. _

_What do we do?_

_How much magic do you have left? Can you teleport from here to Etheria safely? _Catra asked. 

Glimmer tried not to respond. 

_ I can't help you, _ Catra thought, _ and you can't help me from here, but you can go home. I tore the crystal from that clone's chest. I'm not leaving him. Knock me out, take it, and bring it to the one who made it. Tell her I'm sorry. _Catra's commands landed in Glimmer's mind like blows. Catra let her go, and Glimmer could not stop herself. 

When Catra regained consciousness, she was alone. 

~~~

They hadn't bothered to drug this clone in weeks, he thought, though it was hard to guess at the passage of time. Today, they'd given her a weapon. 

"You're more deceptive about your defect than we had realized," Catra commented. "You've learned not to think of yourself with a name - but you're still trying to hide things from us, and you still respond to one."

"Hordak," she snarled, and he flinched, and she pressed the shock stick into his back. 

He collapsed to the floor, writhing. 

For a moment, Catra was lost, staring at the weapon in her hand, thinking of Entrapta and Scorpia and Adora. 

This clone could barely move. Raising an arm was out of the question. But he tapped a finger against the tile floor twice, and she breathed in and said that name and shocked him again. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hordak gives Catra and Glimmer a tablet with information on Horde Prime's terribleness, including a report about a different defective clone's experiences, which are not explicitly described but strongly implied to involve horrible torture. 
> 
> Shadow Weaver learned how to do the same kind of "conditioning" as Horde Prime, and did it to Catra, but not Glimmer. 
> 
> There's more torture, mostly Catra being forced to condition Hordak. Catra tries to teach Glimmer to resist conditioning by doing it to her. Catra discovers Glimmer has been fantasizing about Catra and Adora being intimate, and Glimmer's attracted to them both. Glimmer kisses Catra, and Catra forces Glimmer to leave in an attempt to protect the three of them. There are hints that Hordak is a willing participant in what Catra is doing. 
> 
> Parts of the prisoner's dilemma bit were copied from Wikipedia. Hordak's exact S1E3 line to Shadow Weaver about Catra was, "If you have failed to condition her properly, you have no one but yourself to blame." The first memory Glimmer revealed was from S2E4.


End file.
